dear aura

dear driver,
congratulations on purchasing a saturn aura! the accolades for this vehicle have been unending -- a panel of journalists even picked it as the north american car of the year! -- so kudos to you for doing your research and shopping so smartly. you are no doubt an intelligent person, and your car choice certainly reflects that. i'm sure, during your exhaustive comparison shopping, you noticed that car and driver magazine classifies the aura as a "mid-size sedan." MID-SIZE. SEDAN. a person of your intelligence would surely realize that this classification precludes the saturn aura from qualifiying as a COMPACT CAR -- thus rendering the COMPACT ONLY parking spots off limits. perhaps you let someone else drive the aura to work today? perhaps your screening process, which you so diligently applied to your car selection, should extend to members of the family, neighbors, friends -- to make sure they can read and comprehend words? just a suggestion.

all the best,
the foci

p.s.
dear lexus,
you officially suck.

-f.

dear lexus

dear driver,

your lexus is not a compact car. if it was a compact car, once parked, three feet of trunk space would not be interrupting the flow of traffic in the parking garage. you would know this if you took a look at your parked vehicle before heading off to work. you would also realize that backing into said COMPACT ONLY parking spot is obnoxious because, inevitably, your tire[s] will stray from within the yellow confines of the spot and obscure an even greater portion of the driveable space. please realize you are incurring the hatred of everyone who drives past your car.

not so fondly,
the foci

dear station wagon

dear driver:

i regret to inform you that your station wagon is not, nor has it ever been, nor will it ever be, a compact car. so please stop parking your rust-addled, gargantuan automobile in the COMPACT ONLY spot so that those of us with actual compact cars can (a) park there and (b) stop making ridiculous maneuvers when turning the corner to avoid hitting your protruding bumper.

sincerely,
the foci

showtune 'em up

i love showtunes more than is probably wise to acknowledge.
i did shows in elementary school, middle school, high school and college -- as encouraged by my mother, i've always been deeply ensconced in the world of musical theater. road trips with my mom always featured lengthy sing-a-longs to tapes [and, later, cds] from movie and broadway musicals. phantom, evita, music man, hello dolly! -- you name it, we knew every word. it was grand. [i'm not sure why i'm talking in the past tense. we still do this. in fact, my niece has memorized lyrics to songs from both wicked and the sound of music; it's ridiculously cute. and hilarious.] so. i'm a broadway baby. i have friends [brad, kendall...i'm talking about you] who are equally fanatical [brad moreso than anyone i've ever met. ever. ever.] i have no problem admitting it, which is why when i see clips like this one:


my heart soars. i remember watching this when it was first posted to youtube, a year or so ago. i stumbled back onto it today, after reading this excellent interview with neil patrick harris on the onion av club site, and have been laughing about it for hours. tres hilarious.

he knows how to use them

saw this guy in starbucks this morning. he was at least 65 -- possibly older -- but trapped in the body of a 30-year old. and he was wearing a shirt from this weekend's rochester marathon, which would account for these:



his legs are defying the laws of aging. this man KNOWS things.
if john mccain had legs like this, i think we'd be less worried about his choice for vice-president.

word.

from rosie, in response to an email i sent concerning a project we're working on:

Never have I met someone who can say 'I'm right and everyone else is wrong' so eloquently.

[it's nice to work with people who get you.]

matt damon: &*%$^# yeah!

for those of you who don't already know this: i heart matt damon.
a few years back [before he was married, i'll have you know] i harbored a deep, meaningful celebrity crush on him, to the point of near delusion [not really, but close.] i went to new york for my birthday with some friends, and to visit my sister who was living downstate at the time, and woke up on my birthday to see that matt damon was in new york, appearing on regis & kelly that very morning. coincidence? i thought not. also: i am silly.

anyway. as i find it gross to lust after married people, celebrities included, my outright affection for matt damon has waned in recent years.

but the following video does make my heart tingle a wee bit: