shoe of the day...

shoe of the day...

Thursday, July 10, 2008

you know who you are

dear bookstore customers [or anyone shopping anywhere at anytime]:

while i heartily thank you for your purchases at our fine establishment, i would like to offer up these helpful hints to aid in the check-out process:
  • please do not use the counter to balance your checkbook while a line of 8 people form behind you
  • please do not stop procuring payment to have an extended conversation with another person
  • please do not ask me to throw out half-empty beverage containers, especially when you are on your way out of the store and will undoubtedly encounter a large trash recepticle
  • please do not "apologize" for using coins to pay for a $20 book, when the act was premeditated [as evidenced by the ziploc bag used to transport said coins]
  • regarding cell phones: either keep talking to the person [ignoring the cashier outright, so as to avoid, "are you talking to me?"-based confusion] or get off the damn phone
  • please remember that i am not a human calculator
  • please do not look at me as though i'm incompetent solely because i have not read the obscure russian novel that you are thinking of purchasing, for which you'd like a recommendation
  • please do not ask me to baby-sit your child, whom you've precariously perched on the counter, in order to "just grab this magazine" halfway across the store

and, finally:

  • please keep telling me i have nice skin; it's much appreciated

1 comment:

wilco617 said...

That pennies tale strikes an unfortunate cord. OfficeMax has decided to release a series of commericals on the internet which encourage customers to pay for their purchases entirely in pennies.
As associates we are supposed to smile, yell "We got one!" and don an "Abe Lincoln hat" (corporate's wording, not mine) for the duration of the penny encounter.
Luckily, such an exchange has yet to take place. And sadly, this is not a joke.

- Will