you know who you are

dear bookstore customers [or anyone shopping anywhere at anytime]:

while i heartily thank you for your purchases at our fine establishment, i would like to offer up these helpful hints to aid in the check-out process:

• please do not use the counter to balance your checkbook while a line of 8 people form behind you
• please do not stop procuring payment to have an extended conversation with another person
• please do not ask me to throw out half-empty beverage containers, especially when you are on your way out of the store and will undoubtedly encounter a large trash recepticle
• please do not "apologize" for using coins to pay for a $20 book, when the act was premeditated [as evidenced by the ziploc bag used to transport said coins]
• regarding cell phones: either keep talking to the person [ignoring the cashier outright, so as to avoid, "are you talking to me?"-based confusion] or get off the damn phone
• please remember that i am not a human calculator
• please do not look at me as though i'm incompetent solely because i have not read the obscure russian novel that you are thinking of purchasing, for which you'd like a recommendation
• please do not ask me to baby-sit your child, whom you've precariously perched on the counter, in order to "just grab this magazine" halfway across the store

and, finally:

• please keep telling me i have nice skin; it's much appreciated

sosupertasty

there are few things i like better than a really simply constructed salad on an exceedingly hot day. i made a very basic vinaigrette this morning [balsamic vinegar, olive oil, dijon mustard, honey and some salt & pepper] and packed my green glitter ziploc bowl with fresh romaine, non-homocidal tomatoes, garbanzo beans, as well as some tuna to be added in at lunch time. [i've come to prefer the packed tuna in the pouch vs. the can.] [hee. pouch and can.]

behold:

i'm not sure if the tastiness is translating via the image, but rest assured: it was sublime.

so fresh! so seasoned!

love.

coffee

before i went into work last saturday, i stopped at starbucks to grab a cup of coffee. this is my ritual, every saturday morning. same starbucks. same drink. being that i work in a bookstore [where i'm always on these saturdays] it would make more sense, financially, to purchase coffee once i arrive given my employee discount. but, instead, i insist on having the same debate every saturday in the starbucks parking lot: pull into the parking lot, mull over the plan to go inside and buy coffee, from within my car i think to myself, "you're being irresponsible with your money," and then i proceed to open the door, pop inside and order my venti decaf. as i headed out, drink safely procured, i noticed this on the ground next to my car:



so sad! this errant, lonely pile of coffee grounds. my mind flashed to tom hanks in 'castaway' attempting to lap up spilled coconut and pictured myself in a similar, desperate, needing-a-morning-beverage-in-a-dire-situation type way with these grounds.

i'm gross.
buying your coffee brewed is definitely the way to go.

photo despair

this is what i look like when forced to attend two meetings, back to back, without a break to refill my coffee. [i may actually be crying in the second photo.]

secret

...i live with the perpetual fear that i will someday drop my keys down the elevator shaft, leaving me permanently stranded at work.

earring ye bells

i mentioned this incident earlier, but because i feel like posting something and my pictures aren't downloading properly today [grr] i'll go ahead and tell the tale of the nearly lost earring.

these are, absolutely, my favorite pair of earrings. my sister bought them for me from tiffany & co. to thank me for being big al's godmother. i've worn them, literally, all but four days since i received them in november. love them. love. them. they're the perfect size and they go with every outfit [even the crazy ones.] plus, every morning when i put them on i think of the bebes; what better way to start one's day?

i was at work about a week ago, having a crazed morning. was in the kitchen putting my lunch in the fridge. was downstairs unlocking the studio and searching for someone's forgotten homework. was in the vault pulling out posters. was at kate's desk answering her phone. was in bit's office pulling out some files for her. ugh. crazy. non-stop. i was sitting at my desk at around 11, typing, when the back to the right earring fell onto my keyboard. odd, yes? where was the post? nowhere to be found. of course this was one of those ridiculously cold mornings, so i had a sweater, a coat and a hat to comb through. shook them all out, one by one.

no post.

got up to retrace my steps. went to the kitchen. went to the vault. went downstairs into the studio. sat at kate's desk. sat at bit's desk.

no post.

i believe it was at this precise moment that i began to panic, except that panic isn't exactly the right word. i became so sad that i'd lost my earring -- not in a materialistic sense, but more for what the earring meant to me. i went onto the tiffany & co. website, prepared to order a new pair, but emailed customer service instead asking about a replacement post. while i was waiting for their response, i finished up some work. went back into bit's office to re-file a document, pulled out her file drawer and broke into a cold sweat [seriously. i have really responsive glands.]

stuck, bead side up, amongst her files folders was my earring.
it was so freaky.
i think the earring gnomes have nieces and nephews. they must have felt bad for me.

also? who knew i was so organized as to re-file a document that quickly?
so efficient.
wow.

from teale...

"I just did a very Teale thing - I braided a small piece of hair and didn't know what to use to hold the ends together - so I used a glue stick...."

this is teale.

she says, "mustaches make you rowdy."

well said, teale. well said.
[also? you look a bit like this guy...]

view from my window: pants edition

i hope to god that this is not a gymnastics experiment gone awry.

also...

i don't believe i've yet mentioned my office's eye candy.
will attempt a full description sometime soon, but i have to point out that his window is currently being propped open by a bottle that, by shape, contains either: laundry detergent, maple syrup or moonshine.

odds are on number three.

webster rolls in his grave.

i work at a bookstore part-time; last night, no fewer than seven customers (in a 4 hour shift, during which i attended to approximately 40 customers) purchased oprah's latest book club selection -- in addition to at least one or two previous selections. now, i do a lot of reading and i take a lot of suggestions and recommendations for books; i am a big proponent for furthering literacy (my advocacy does not, i stress, include this, the thought of which makes me retch.) HOWEVER.

statements such as the following....

In selecting "The Road," not only will Winfrey meet with an author who, according to Bogaards, has given just two interviews in the past 40 years, but she has taken on a novel with little of the uplifting spirit she often favors. (By HILLEL ITALIE, AP National Writer)

...are mind-boggling. "the uplifting spirit she often favors"? now, is the author of this article referring to the uplifting tale of anna karenina? or elie wiesel's night? both revered pieces of literature, but certainly not what anyone would qualify as "uplifting." white oleander? a million little pieces (which i'm honestly surprised is still listed on her website as an official pick)? the deep end of the ocean? house of sand and fog? NOT UPLIFTING. and of the titles that i've not yet read there are certain to be more examples of oprah's "uplifting" slant.

point being: i've read many comments regarding her latest selection as a departure of sorts and i think that either (a) no one has actually been reading the books (maybe they're buying them to appear intelligent and/or "with it" or (b) there are a preposterous number of incorrect dictionaries floating around.

the dip.

i realize that in the grand scheme of commuting, i have it pretty easy. with minimal traffic and non-intrusive weather conditions i can make it to work in under 14 minutes. i think that's why it's so painful and so frustrating to be stuck in the car for upwards of 40 minutes - which is what happened this morning due to some (more) snow. because of the not-so-optimal driving conditions i had the radio on, scanning for a traffic report. in the midst of my scanning i stumbled across the following - things that i can only classify as what i don't need to hear on the radio in the morning. or ever.

• freebird. being stuck in traffic is bad enough without feeling like you're stuck in traffic because you've been listening to the same song for 48 minutes.
• hotel california. radio programmers? are you listening? i appreciate the warm weather reference, but i can think of at least 4 other songs that mention 'california' that don't have me favoring a walk to work over listening to them.
• the station i normally listen to interrupted the decemberists with a run of 5 techno remixes. too. early.
• rob thomas. no. i'm not kidding. am thinking of filing a musical restraining order.
• sugar ray. i would have forgotten about him if he hadn't hosted some vh1 countdown special a few years back. but why is he still on my radio?
• OLIVIA NEWTON JOHN. i hate grease. i've always hated grease. it's the movie/musical equivalent of 'the dip' from who framed roger rabbit? - have seen the stage version too many times to count (that's what happens when you date an, ahem, "actor"...and i use those quotes for FULL effect.) that new grease reality show? hate it. so, when i hear 'hopelessly devoted to you' on my radio at 8:45 before my coffee (shut up. i know it's decaf.) i become very, very ornery.

also:
last nite while working job #2 i was talking to a coworker of mine who is constantly being asked if he's gay. if you know me, you know this: i love the gay men. (this will be addressed in a future post when i highlight the brilliance of manchattan, run by my best friend and his three friends-- until then, check out the link.) so, anyway. i was talking to this coworker who is constantly puzzled by this line of questioning. so, he asked me to make him a list of reasons why people might think he's gay. clearly, i have a penchant for making lists, so i gladly accepted the assignment. it didn't take me very long (coworker, "get back to me in an hour." me, "will have it for you in 15 minutes.") and once i gave it to him, i immediately felt guilty. would it hurt his feelings? had i been too harsh? he reassured me that he wasn't offended; in fact he agreed with most of my observations (it's had to argue with facts, such as 'favorite movie is a knight's tale.) and, besides: he owns a hello, kitty! t-shirt. methinks he brought this upon himself.

caffeination, under god.

i took a quick inventory of items that are currently sitting on or around my desk, and the results are mildly puzzling...in that i'm not certain how many of said items came to rest in my possession. i've decided to give up coffee/caffeine for lent, so this in fact may be a hallucination, due to the heavy withdrawal symptoms i'm experiencing. seriously. no caffeine makes you feel like crap. and look like crap, as i've noticed during my infrequent pausings at a mirror.

my teeth itch. and i find myself squinting alot, probably because i'm on the verge of exhaustion-induced collapse.

i thought long and hard about what to abstain from for lent, and coffee seemed like a smart choice: it's definitely something i would miss, and would have to consciously think about avoiding. i don't think i quite realized the depths of my dependence until wednesday, when i experienced excrutiating headaches and tremors (no kidding. it was like 'house', without the interns.) my mom suggested gradually cutting out the caffeine; clearly i did not take that advice to heart, and have been paying for it ever since. also, i think god might be smiting me for making such an assinine decision. he generally seems to reward intelligence, and i'm pretty far removed from that line of thinking at the moment.

have had 4 cups of tea today. my body is pissed.

anyway. back to the random accrual of items on my desk:

• one package of organic creamy butternut squash soup. this is not mine. it is nadia's, who likes to taunt me with organic foods and 'live cultures' and fruits that have been dried. terror.
• a poorly constructed, child-sized wizard's hat. it is posited jauntily on my monitor, a merlinian air about it.
• the name tag of an attractive guy that attended one of our company events.
• 2 giant stalks of bamboo that threaten to impede my view of the computer monitor. i like them. it's like working in the jungle.
• half eaten cinnamon chip scone. i tried to give it away but no one wanted it. before it was half eaten, obviously.
• august 2005 issue of VOGUE. i think someone was cleaning and thought it was mine. madonna is on the cover and her skirt looks like the wonder bread package.
• apple core. because i'm too lazy to walk 30 feet to the garbage can.
• 4 boxes of blank name badges. they're incredibly old and dusty and have lost most of their adhesive backing (i know this because i put one on yesterday when a co-worker referred to me by the wrong name.) they too should be dumped along with the apple core.
• a mug containing an obscene amount of lollipops. they are my coffee patch. they may also be the reason for the teeth-itching.